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Home Alone Forever

by Stevie Subrizi

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1.
I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’ve got no time I’ve been at work since half past five At this Cambridge bar and restaurant I get a little break around nine And then I’ve got to go back to giving people what they want I’m just a guy who gets paid just enough to keep him alive That’s why I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’ve got no time I asked the bartender out for coffee She said she’d like to, but I should know she’s seeing someone She said to take her number in case I need a shift covered I said, hey, whatever you want We’re just two people who get paid just enough to keep us alive And anyway, I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time So I’ve got no time When my shift doesn’t start for an hour And I’ve got no one to meet I take a long walk past the garden Down Sacramento Street And then I work until the end of time I work until the end of time I work until the end of time I get no time I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’m working till the end of time I’ve got no time Oh no, I’m just a guy who gets paid just enough to keep him alive
2.
3.
Your boyfriend who lives in Canada Is a figment of your self-isolation While here in Massachusetts, you’re proving our chemistry useless Shooting pool at the Watering Hole with the god of reservations Take a good look at your neighbor And put your smart phone away Face what’s right in front of you Because we’re living in the USA You’re bound to lose touch before you get to do much touching With your Canadian friend But if you want to make some time with your friend around the corner Then you won’t have to wait for that long weekend Because your boyfriend who lives in Canada Whom you met at a four-day convention Could meet you halfway in Syracuse, that’s true, But it’s a five-hour drive, and that’s a reasonable excuse To take a good long look at your neighbor And turn that Skype cam away Face what’s right in front of you Start living in the USA Face what’s right in front of you Before it gets out of your way
4.
My love for you is a dog I’ve got to train not to bite My love for you is a dog I’ve got to train not to bite Keeping me awake in my bed every night My love for you is a dog I’ve got to train not to fight My love for you is a cat that hates you My love for you is a cat that hates you Still following you around, making you sick My love for you is a cat that hates you My love for you is a bear My love for you is a bear I will lock it up when you come here And if you ever find a sweetness in the morning air You have not known since you were a baby Then call it by its name Call it by its name Call it by its name, my love And it will stay
5.
So we took long walks around Jamaica Plain Drank coffee till we went insane Well, I can do that alone, like I always have I can do it alone We had Sunday nights free, and what did we do? Sat in our underwear watching Doctor Who Well, I can do that alone. You were holding me back I can do it alone I won’t miss our conversations about books or food I can accomplish the physical stuff in solitude All alone Apple orchards, restaurants, stadium seats Taking days to wake up, barely sleeping I can do it alone, anything you can name I’ll do it alone And if they ever catch me wishing I still had you around Somebody shoot me from a cannon to the Long Island Sound All alone Sure, we spent some lovely hours doing nothing at all But I’m great at doing nothing at all I can do it alone, I’m an expert at that I’ll do it alone I can do it alone Yeah
6.
You’ve got to keep good track of your heart Write down your expenses Remember where you put your wallet Listen to what they say on the radio, try to make some wise investments Try to keep good track of your heart Or somebody’s going to steal it Stay in the good neighborhoods Don’t let the wrong people near it, don’t make a poor investment There are good and bad neighborhoods And saying that’s not hateful You’re courting danger when you trust your neighbors But you can always trust the faithful, you can only trust the faithful Always keep good track of your heart Down in the college ghettos, where the poets go to drink They document their histories in deep red tattoo ink You can cover it up with a turtleneck if the weather doesn’t get too warm But if you wake up too close to a mirror, you’re still going to witness your true form Hope it doesn’t get too warm Hope you can keep good track of your heart Spend it smart, don’t waste it Check up on all you’ve been saving And know the way your bank treats it, know exactly how your bank treats it Always keep good track of your heart Keep good track of your heart Keep good track of all that heart of yours
7.
I can’t find what I’m looking for In this world-sized department store I’ve checked every aisle for miles and miles And if they ever had what I needed, they must have run out Because I checked in Boston And I checked in Somerville I checked in Jamaica Plain I double-checked in the Pioneer Valley And the prices are rising And I’m running out of money They must not carry what I’m looking for In this worldwide department store Because I checked in Portland, Maine And I checked in Portland, Oregon I checked in Philly I even checked in New York City I can’t find what I’m looking for In this worldwide department store I can’t find what I’m looking for In this worldwide department store The sign says that they’re hiring But they’re no longer hiring I need a job to afford my room and board And all the stupid things I need in this maze of a world Because the prices are rising And I’m running out of money And I forgot what I was looking for But the whole world’s a department store
8.
A diner is a place where a diner can be Whatever that particular diner happens to be At any old time of the livelong night And that’s a diner’s right Truckers and junkies and EMT’s And all the kids who’ve given up on going to sleep Coffee and pie, omelets and fries You can sit down forever for like $2.95 And when someone fills the jukebox with AC/DC When you need to hear some Patsy Cline Just wait in line Just hang on the vine Like stuffed grape leaves get shared and wasted Some hours of a life are bound to pass untasted But as the cake wheel turns and the coffee burns You’d better get ready to fatten the worms This is a fried food library with chrome siding And half the staff will sleep in the daytime They hang on the vine like future wine A diner is a place that moves in real time It’s a place to rest on the way to a second place They serve breakfast all the livelong time All through the Mobius night Down and to the left of the highway light A diner is a place the moves in real time
9.
You’re giving me phantom vibrations All up my upper thigh I think you’re calling my number But my body’s just telling me a lie You give me phantom vibrations All down the side of my pants I’m picking up phantom vibrations Wish you’d call me up and give me a chance And we could maybe drink some coffee, maybe sit on chairs Maybe start the party if I shoot out my flares You’ll maybe, maybe, maybe find me on the far side of the bar tomorrow night I was working as a barback At a place you like to eat I saw you laughing I don’t think you saw me But soon enough, I gave you my number Now I’m picking up phantom vibrations Phantom vibrations All up and down my leg Phantom vibrations, phantom vibrations Phantom vibrations kind of make me wish I was dead But you’re the life of the wedding The beginner of dances You’re the beginner of dances That mimic real life moves From the supermarket From the café line From the dentist’s office—moves from real life At some point, I gave you my number Now I’m picking up phantom vibrations Phantom vibrations, it’s the dance of a million sighs Phantom vibrations all up and down my thigh Phantom vibrations, is my body telling me a lie? Or could we maybe drink some coffee, maybe walk a pet Maybe take a rain check, maybe place a bet You’ll maybe, maybe, maybe find me at the far side of the bar tomorrow night
10.
One more night of buying drinks for a pretty stranger One more round—what’s my money good for anyway? Throw my last five down on the table Just to wake up on one more loveseat And I will forget how to love I’ve already forgot Just last month, I had a dream where you still knew me But I’m taking your advice, I’ve been checking out just what’s available to me Dress my sad ass to the nines one more time For Motown Night at The Basement And I will forget how to love I’ve already forgot How to love you
11.
Hey, Mr. Trash Man Won’t you throw away a dream? All I want to want tonight is a night full of sleep And an apartment that’s clean Please, Mr. Trash Man Could you take my dreams far away? Somebody dreamy is sleeping at the opposite end of the city Leaving me here in posh decay Hey, Mr. Trash Man Could you take my dreams away? Each day is garbage day
12.
Birds and trees, there need to be Birds and trees, birds and trees All the rest is just set dressing And cats and lamps, you ought to have Cats and lamps, and a pocket full of stamps All the rest is just depressing You can work hard, you can fall in love If that’s your scene Whatever keeps your heart pumping blood When the hills turn green So give me birds and trees Only give me birds and trees 'Cause all the rest is just set dressing Except for the birds and the trees You can work hard, you can fall in love If that’s your scene Whatever keeps your heart pumping blood When the hills turn green in Massachusetts So give me birds and trees Give me nothing but birds and trees 'Cause all the rest is just depressing It’s nothing but set dressing Except for the birds and the trees

credits

released June 10, 2013

Songs written by Steve Subrizi
Produced by Jon Corey at Steed Sound in Somerville, MA
Mastered by Richard Marr at Galaxy Park Studios in Watertown, MA

Artwork by Sophia Holtz

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Stevie Subrizi Boston, Massachusetts

Stevie Subrizi is a genderqueer songwriter and poet. They were once one half of Somerville-based guitar duo the Crazy Exes from Hell, along with Kirsten Opstad. Their chapbook Alone & Naked Inside of a Whale won Yemassee Journal’s 2021 Poetry Chapbook Contest, judged by Dustin Pearson. ... more

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